Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The day I lost my Grandpa

Me and my Grandparents 
March 11th 2013 is a day that I will never forget… I spent that day alongside my mom sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. All of whom hadn't been in the same house together, let alone town, in over 3 years. We spent the day talking to my grandpa and making small talk with each other. I spent most of my time sitting in between my mom and aunt while holding (and randomly squeezing) my grandpa's hand, I was hoping for some response from him but he lay there sleeping. My Grandma is so strong she still had her humor about her. This woman has a knack for making the most hilarious jokes at the MOST inappropriate times! (She seriously is SO funny).We needed laughter that day.
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My Mom is a nurse as well as my aunt and cousin. My Grandpa got the great opportunity to stay at his home with his family during the last days of his life. He was on hospice but he also had his entire family lending a hand to care for him. They had someone always taking of my Grandparents day and night. I think they are all amazing for that. They all went above and beyond so that my Grandpa was able to stay home and rest in the life he created for himself.
When people talk about how they would prefer to die, most would hope that they could die peacefully at home in there sleep. Well that is how my grandpa died that day. Peacefully in his sleep surrounded by his entire family. I was so happy for him because I knew that he was on his way to heaven. I pictured him meeting with his family that were already up in heaven waiting for him. I feel sorry for my Grandma. I can't imagine what it would feel like to lose our husband of over 50 years. I feel sorry for all the hearts that are heavy with grief because of his death.
My parents, Trent, and my Grandparents

I have been praying for my Grandma like crazy. Recently I heard a quote that said "when you think you have prayed enough about something, pray more" describes me to a T lately. I know that if I put my faith in God one day I will understand the things that seem so hard to bare here on earth. Death is very hard to deal with. It is hard for the people that are left behind to pick up the pieces and for them try to get back in day to day life.
The one thing that is constant in life is change. Once you are settled into one stage of life you are on to the next. When someone close to you dies it makes you reevaluate what’s important in life. It makes you cherish the smallest things. Before I left my grandparents’ house that day it dawned on me. I had to take one of his sweatshirts... this is something that I had always done whenever I was at his house- I HAD to take them he always had worn them in and they were SO comfy(it became an inside joke between us) So, of course when I told my Grandma she knew I had to have one. In fact she gave one to each one of us. I have been wearing mine a lot. It still smells like his cologne.
I’m used to missing him because for the last 13 years we have lived two and a half hours apart but nothing compares to this. When someone dies it is so insane how final everything is. No take backs, no redo’s. I’ll carry him with me, in my heart ,where I hold all our memories.

I want to visit my family in Idaho more often. I want Terrance to know them and where I came from. So I made a promise to myself that I will spend more time there and I will make a million more memories with my Grandma. Until then I am going to soak up every second with my beautiful family. I am going to do things that I have been afraid of doing. I am going to laugh at myself more. I am going to shoot for the stars.Please remember to hold your loved ones close, say “I love you” often, and pray more we never know when our time is up.

 I wouldn't be able to make it through the loss of my Grandpa without my husband. He is my rock and he ALWAYS knows how to make me laugh. I am so thankful I have him and I can't wait to create a lifetime of memories with him that will bond us like my grandparents. I'm so grateful for my wedding pictures.. I love being able to show my family with them!

I love you Trent forever and always.

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